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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Ok not literally, but spent last night tossing and turning despite going to bed relatively early (i.e. before midnight, for once :D) Went to school bleary-eyed and feeling sian, exacerbated by an sms from F_ saying that he'd overslept and wouldn't be joining me in school. But yeah, I know the travelling time doesn't justify the 2-hr lect and all that. I totally understand. Really. I love him to itsy bits. After a horrendously boring lecture by the phD student (who'd got her computer back, thankfully, and wasn't scribbling "subway sandwiches-mm mm" on the whiteboard in her miniscule handwriting while yakking about chromosomes and whatnot) which was spent with me zooming through each page, highlighting the important stuff, then sitting back and reading the sermon on the mount and totally ignoring her long-winded and unnecessary elaborations. I tend to do that a lot when I'm alone. But that's ok. I find my own ways of amusing myself.
During the break I had made up my mind to go home already, but I don't know why, after the lecture I ended up eating unagi by myself and heading off to the library in search of company. W_ was at pbl so I sat that alone, opened my books and I don't know why, but suddenly this oppressive heaviness came over me, this feeling of deep depression and loneliness and helplessness. I don't know where it came from or why, because despite having a lousy sleep I wasn't all that tired, but it was really bad. Just then F_ sent me an sms and I admit I gave a rather nasty reply, because of that strange, inexplicable feeling. I felt so horribly....alone. I know I was physically alone, but I'm not usually adverse to being alone, in fact I've studied alone many times before. I just don't know why it happened today, and it was so, so strong. And then I just sat there and started crying, and I figured there was no point in sitting there and trying to smother my tears, I might as well go home and let it out, so I took a taxi back (I think God was trying to comfort me cos the moment I reached the roundabout outside the crc, a taxi came by and dropped off its passenger, so i just hopped in, didn't even need to walk to nuh...wow)
Went to my room, locked the door, called F_, took my medicine, put on a CD and went to sleep, woke up about 4 hrs later feeling much much better, called my beloved, then went down to talk to parents and found out that they GOT THE VOTES (close one) woohoo! Decided to just do whatever i want to do today, so I went to read comics, watch my tortoises waddle around (used to do that alot in sec sch, now just don't have the time), help my mom do her jigsaw (sky of the second half), horse around with my family at dinner (instead of my usual 5min dinner), tried this strange fruite called the grapefruit which is a cross between an orange and a pomelo and apparently only tastes nice if it's Made in America. My sister claims that it supresses insulin and therefore is THE THING which dieters swear by, but errr I dunno if she's trying to pull a fast one on me. She's done it before.
Feel great now. Finally feel inspired to study. This morning I lost the will to study but now by the Love of Jesus, F_ and my family I am renewed in spirit and in faith and I aim to do well for my exams. Oh, plus F_ says we shld go for physio tut tmr so I'm gonna be a good girl and go read endocrine now.
Love is really a very powerful thing, you know.
8:31 PM
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