|
|
|
|
|
| |
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Just came across this wonderful verse.
" For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and sound mind."
Finally had a good talk with mom just now, she was telling me about the problems her and dad are facing right now with regard to the business, my poor parents are under a lot of stress right now. And I felt bad, because they were so busy and had so much on their minds and yet I still did stupid things and made them worry, like losing my sister and doing badly in my exams. Also spoke to one of my good friends on the phone, she revealed that there was a period last year when she fell into deep depression, and I didn't even know, and I felt bad too that I had been so caught up in my own happiness with my beloved that I had neglected her, but I'm glad that her faith in God is so strong now, and that despite my neglect, she still loves me. Today was also W_'s birthday, I only realised that when I was writing today's date. i was like...hey....9/2.....somebody important's born on that day...Is it W? or my cousin J_? cos one of them is born on 7th, one on 9th...always mix them up.. So I just rang her up an hour ago, we chit-chatted for quite a bit, so fun to talk to her, so much has happened since we last had a gooooood long talk...In sec sch we used to call each other up every night and just talk so much nonsense, it was unbelievable, considering that everyday in class we'd be sitting next to each other (ok, at least when we were in the same group) and talking nonsense too. Haha.
Anyways, I realised one very important thing tonight, that is recently I've been so caught up in my own misery (being sick, stressed out by exams, etc.) that I totally forgot about my parents. So I resolve to be nicer to them, especially now in this critical period (for them). After all, life is meaningless if it's just revolving around oneself, isn't it? I dunno, this prob sounds really really weird, but I always felt that if i was to live life just for myself, it would seem so purposeless. So at first I tried to live for F_, but that wasn't good for either of us, and now I've found that the purpose of my life is to live for Jesus, and it fills my heart with indescribable joy. I admit, last night I had doubts, I couldn't sleep and even had to take one of my precious pills to go to sleep, because I was feeling very very depressed, I felt that I had no good reason to live, because I felt unloved. But after a good night's rest, I realised how silly I was, that even if mom scolds me unreasonably, even if F_ and I bicker, mom and F_ still love me so so much, and so do my dad and siblings and friends and Jesus and God and nothing, nothing can stand between Jesus' love and me.
I pray that as Jesus has died for our sins, he has also taken away all our burdens and sicknesses, and that in Jesus' name F_ will be made healthy again.
F_ means a lot to me. I love him. There are times, like now, when I just feel so overwhelmed by love for him that I don't even know how to express it. I wish I could tell him right now that I love him so so much, I love him I love him I love him, but he's asleep now, so I guess I'll have to wait till I see him tmr, what i really really wanna do first thing is to give him a gigantic hug and tell him how much he means to me and how I love him and what a wonderful person he is.
How I wish I could be a better person so that I could make him happy. Sigh.
12:30 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
