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Saturday, November 15, 2003
I'm sorry things had to turn out this way. I really am. Don't think this isn't killing me. But I think...that ultimately, it's for the best. Maybe you'll find somebody more suitable for you. Maybe we'll start anew, on a better footing. Besides, both of us had our doubts, so this CDT will allow us to reflect...and to think about whether we can accept each other's faults. Also, I think that me not being around will make it less painful. Take care. I'll continue to pray for you. Come over and pick up the study bible soon. It's really very good. Read Proverbs. Who knows...it might help you to make the correct decision.
And even though we're now just friends, I'll be there for you, if you need my help.
God bless you, keep you and protect you.
CZ
8:34 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens; they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like anyone of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened unto you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
And finally, my favourite passage :
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain : faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Today, I pray to God that he will give me the strength, discipline, concentration and will-power to study. Time is running out, the test is in two days, and I don't want to fail my parents again. They aren't pleased with my results, they think i'm ill-disciplined because I keep skipping school, and they dislike my habit of coming home and sleep and eat then sleep again. I really really don't want to fail them this time, and make them unhappy with me again.
O God give me strength.
10:30 PM
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
You know what? I think the most foolish thing anybody can do is to intentionally hurt the people who love them most. Who would dare to love you after that?
11:25 PM
Monday, November 10, 2003
Just wanted to add that I think F_ is very handsome. Gazing at his photo..the one called "denizens of siloso beach". Yeah his mouth is hanging open, but he's still sooo cute. Almost can't believe he's my bf. Wow. I think I have a crush on him. But that's our little secret. ;-)
10:05 PM
HAH. I haven't blogged for a week. Today is F_ and my 6-mth anniversary. Wow. Half a year since that kiss. F_ is so romantic. I love him :X Unfortunately there's yet another ca this sat...Two tracks and loads to study. So couldn't go out and celebrate. Plus F_ wanted to cut his hair (had been bugging me about it the whole weekend) so after very smelly prac, dropped him off at his barber and went home. It was raining, such beautiful weather to sleep, and thus despite F_'s warnings not to, i succumbed and went to sleep and woke up at exactly 7.30pm. Dinner time. Why??? Cos I was dreaming about food. Anyway, this has got to be the most boring monthniversary ever. Last I heard from F_, he was out jogging (and sms-ing simultaneously, don't ask me how he does that...hope he din trip over a branch or sthg) Tried to read physio, but it's super super boring...Can't even get past 5 pages, and I started reading one hour ago!!! I think it's cos i procrastinate too much, esp at home there're so many distractions...bnet, bugging me sibs, bugging dad, neatifying my room and workspace, raiding fridge, or just simply walking around aimlessly to get rid of excess energy (too restless)...Very bad. That's why I think I should study in school. And bring extra batt for my discman. Even though med library is noisier and less table space than at home, but just the presence of so many chao muggers congregated together makes you want to study. Activates the guilt receptors in your cerebral cortex (it's strange, but these same guilt receptors are also activated by the sight of delicious food and an inviting bed). It's so fun to use the bold function liberally. Kindda reminds me of the way some people (most girls in fact) use their highlighters. Like one of my non-conforming female friends said, they might as well just highlight all the "a", "the" and "and"s instead. Heh. Oh no the sniffles have descended upon me again! Shall go take a fizzy tablet. I think the fizz is more than half the fun. Oh oh the bald dog just walked in! Haha and it was immediately accosted by little bro who swiped it off the floor and dumped it on his lap. Now the poor dog looks very uncomfortable and must be feeling really stupid for choosing the wrong room to walk into. And brother says "oh look! QT is here for her daily lie on my lap again!" Bwahahahaha. I want to eat ice-cream. Ok so does my sister. Shall wait for her to bathe and then we can go pig out together. Somehow, pigging out in numbers reduces the intensity of the signals to your guilt receptors. And yes, F_, you can stop calling me a geek now. =P Tmr's a useless day. I just saw the timetable. It's one hour of functional anat (whatever THAT means..does that mean the rest of it are useless and "non-functional"???) followed by two hours of pbl. Which is crap. But cannot pon, cos i missed the past 2 sessions already. Poofy. I wonder what F_ is doing.
9:46 PM
Monday, November 03, 2003
Last saturday my friends came over and we had a wonderful party with lots of eating, drinking, pool, mahjong, cards, etc. Loads of fun. Thanks to my parents for reminding me that i throw a party every year. Was so caught up wif F_ this year that totally forgot about it, that's why it was belated. Oh well. Luckily it wasn't too late =)
Most of today was great, had 1-hr of school (prac), waited in library for F_ to finish his prac as usual, then dropped him off at the mrt and headed home. Mom and sibs were eating lunch so i sat ard with them and talked cock and ate some keropok-chips (yum). Then went upstairs, initially was damn tired in school, thought i'd hit the sheets the moment i came home, but after a cold shower felt so energetic i actually attempted to do my physio tut, but couldn't get past qn1, so did anat instead...and i typed it out this time, cos i was in a neatfreak and boliao mood...Felt a sense of accomplishment when i finally finished it (took rather long...about 2 hrs i think)!! And was so happy with my neat work (for once), felt like sharing it with somebody so I emailed it to F_, seeing that he usu borrows my tut to zap or even gets me to do the tut (once when he stayed over and wanted to sleep) i thought he'd be happy, but instead he scolded me and accused me of trying to prevent him from doing his tutorial. I was really pissed and damn sad, it totally ruined what should have been one of my better days...It's like doing something nice for somebody and anticipating a pleasantly surprised reaction from them, but instead getting bitten on the hand. I felt like crying, but I told myself that I should try to ignore it, and I played some wc and felt slightly better, though i couldn't bring myself to reciprocate any of his "i love you"s, and ended up quarelling with him on the phone after. I think if one of my friends had done that to me, I wouldn't even bother with that person anymore, but F_ is my boyfriend and although I'm saddened by his reaction i still love him. So I'm just gonna write this on my blog to remind myself never to do anything of this sort again for him, and then go to my bed and pray, and try to forget about this.
F_ says that he is coming over tmr afternoon, but just now he told me his left eye is swelling up, so we shall see...Hmm just discovered that I have a shitload to study for next saturday's test, cos it has both biochem and physio, and both tracks are covering a lot of topics this time. Bad.
Younger bro is still surfing the net next to me. Looking at aeroplanes again. He has no more school, neither does my sis but she has chinese o this friday. Dad called back fr yellow mt just now, he says it's frigging cold and hazy, but he's waking up at 5.30am tmr to watch the sunrise....isn't he cute? =) Reminds me of one of my friends...when we went to a class chalet, went off to watch sunrise alone...I think watching it with someone is romantic, but watching it by yourself makes you realize how magnificent God is, how wonderful His works are...
Going off to bed now, gonna read the Bible...Pray for F_'s eye to be healed, pray that our relationship will grow stronger and that he'll love me enough not to be mean to me anymore, pray that Dad will have a good time in china and come home safely, pray that I'll have the strength and discipline to study for the upcoming test, pray that my sis does well for her chinese, pray that He will watch over F_ and take care of him....
11:56 PM
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